


Harry's Fucking Non-existent Boyfriend

by aroundloafofbread



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Mob, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Office, Cute Harry, Don't expect good quality, Established Relationship, M/M, Mafia AU, Nobody believes him, Not Beta Read, Oblivious Harry, One-sided Harry Potter/Others, Sorry Not Sorry, Too many people are crushing on Harry, While half-asleep, Written in half an hour, harry has a boyfriend, just saying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24240811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aroundloafofbread/pseuds/aroundloafofbread
Summary: Harry is in a loving relationship with Tom Riddle. Unfortunately, nobody believes he has a boyfriend.
Relationships: Harry Potter/Tom Riddle, Harry Potter/Tom Riddle | Voldemort, Harry Potter/Voldemort
Comments: 67
Kudos: 2362
Collections: Harry Potter Fanfic Must Reads, Top-tier HP/TMR Fics





	Harry's Fucking Non-existent Boyfriend

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Wolven_Spirits](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wolven_Spirits/gifts).



> To my dear Wolven, I wrote this rather quickly so if it isn't up to standard.. well :pensive:  
> But I hope it makes your day better.

Everyone knew that Harry Potter had a ‘boyfriend’. Because while Harry wasn’t the sort to show-off, he was just _that person_. That person who happily made references to or talked about his amazing, perfect boyfriend when he was asked how his day went. His boyfriend who would cook their meals while Harry baked dessert next to him. The boyfriend who was intelligent and rich and tall and handsome. And who would call Harry every morning and every night to profess how much he loved Harry. All this of course meant that Harry’s boyfriend was doing something right. 

If he even existed.

The truth was Harry’s friends and colleagues had never met the man. It wasn’t for lack of trying – Cedric had done his best to find the man by using his father’s access to the city police systems. Fred and George had all their contacts bring them any information on the man they could find. Nothing. Nada.

There simply wasn’t a person named Tom Riddle who matched Harry’s descriptions. 

So, here’s the thing. Either his boyfriend’s qualities were grossly exaggerated by Harry, or the man just didn’t exist. Hermione refused to believe that there could be anyone as perfect as Harry described his boyfriend to be. 

Harry’s friends also knew that Harry was the densest, most oblivious person to romantic overtures that they had ever known. There was even a club called ‘The Harry Club’ full of ‘not-so-secret-admirers-who-were-friendzoned-because-Harry-doesn’t-get-hints’.

When Neville gave Harry a lilac plant after winning the Annual Botany Award, Harry told him he was very proud of Neville, and the success of one of his bestest friends.

When Harry first met Ron and Hermione at the pub, he mistook their interest in him for an interest in each other. He then spent the next week trying to set them up with each other. (It worked.) 

When Cho asked Harry out on a romantic date at the beach to see the sunrise, Harry turned up in bright yellow waders thinking she had wanted to do beach clean-ups together.

It was unbelievable that Harry could have a boyfriend if he were this oblivious. But the young man was too adorable, shorter-than-average with his fluffy black hair, shining gentle green eyes and sweet pouting lips that looked so soft. Most importantly, Harry was kind and always willing to lend a helping hand. He never forgot anything about his friends’, whether it be special occasions or sad experiences, and treated them with so much care and sincerity that it was impossible not to love him.

Therefore, it was understandable that Harry’s more persistent admirers continued to woo him to the best of their abilities, hoping that Harry would drop his made-up boyfriend when he was finally charmed by one of them. Although men like Cedric Diggory or Charlie Weasley were happy to give Harry time to reciprocate their affections, it was certainly foolish to expect that every admirer would be respectful of Harry’s boundaries.

And it all came to a head one day.

Zacharias sauntered over to where Harry sat at his desk, his head buried in a stack of papers. It was an open-spaced area and behind Harry was a staircase that led up to the boss’ office – accessible only via this special staircase or a private elevator that was connected to other parts of the building where more unsavoury activities happened. And one could only ascend this staircase if they were very favoured, or in very big trouble. 

Zacharias knocked on Harry’s table, trying to get the man’s attention. The fluffy head of black hair bobbed once before Harry looked up at him. 

“Mr Smith?” he asked, confused, “what are you doing here? Does the accounting department want anything from me?”

“I told you to call me Zach. The accounting department doesn’t want anything from you, Harry. But I want you,” Zacharias smirked.

Harry looked at him expectantly, waiting. Zacharias tried a wink, which caused Harry to frown and tilt his head, looking cutely puzzled. “Zacharias? What is it? Do you need to book an appointment or something with the management?” 

Zacharias sighed in exasperation and half-sat on Harry’s table, picking up the little figurine of a golden ball with wings and setting it back down. He was the sexy accountant with golden balls and yet Harry just wasn’t getting it. 

“I want an appointment with you, Harry. Let me take you out to lunch today.”

“I have to politely decline, Zacharias, I already have a lunch date with my boyfriend, Tom.”

It was bullshit. Zacharias knew that Harry was lying. He had gone above and beyond any of Harry’s other admirers. Pathetic fools who were not driven enough, unlike Zacharias. If Zacharias wanted to get into someone’s pants, nothing would hold him back.

For the last two months, he studied Harry’s patterns of behaviour. He checked Harry’s schedule by hacking into his computer and tracking all his meetings. Harry had a tendency to put even the most unimportant things into his schedule, such as ‘Read one chapter of Hermione’s new book’ to ‘Buy Ron more spinach’. And yet there was nothing at all regarding Harry’s elusive ‘boyfriend’. 

When Zacharias tailed Harry home, the man was always leaving their boss’ car far past working hours, looking utterly exhausted. Sometimes their boss would follow Harry up with a stack of files, working Harry overnight. There was no boyfriend turning up to spend the night with Harry. 

To be extra certain, Zacharias had even peeped at Harry’s phone over his shoulder yesterday. The man had a meeting with their boss ten minutes at the start of their lunch break, and nothing else for two hours after. Of course, there was nothing Zacharias could do about that appointment since Harry was the boss’ personal assistant. (It also had something to do with the fact that their company was just an empty front for the criminal organization, Death Eaters, which made their boss a mafia head. Not that Zacharias or the other office workers were involved in that part of the business… but that was another story.) 

Zacharias would have Harry. If the man had the gall to wear tight pants and show off his delectable round arse, then he had better be prepared to take responsibility for seducing him. Zacharias would be damned if he let Harry slip past his fingers again today.

“Harry. Harry, sweetie, look at me,” Zacharias lifted Harry’s chin with his finger, “lying about some perfect boyfriend the first time is cute. Endearing even. Second time is funny. Third time? Not so funny anymore.”

Harry smacked his hand away and looked at the other with a mix of anger, disbelief, and frustration. 

“My boyfriend isn’t fake, and even if I didn’t have one which is untrue – I’d be completely uninterested in you.”

"It's time that you stop lying about a boyfriend and go out with me."

Harry stared at him, feeling utterly baffled. "I don't want to go out with you. You're really crazy. I'm telling you to back off."

“I know you’re playing hard-to-get,’ Zacharias leaned in and gripped Harry’s arm tightly. His fingers dug in painfully.

“Stop it. What's wrong with you? Let go of me! It hurts!” Harry yelped and tried to pull out of Zacharias’ bruising grip. The loud clamor as he pushed away from the table caught everyone’s attention. On the same floor in the office were the marketing team and the accounting teams.

“What’s going on here?” Ginny shouted as she rushed over to help.

“Ginny!” Harry looked at her with pleading eyes. 

“Let go of him,” Ginny said, furiously kicking at Zacharias’ shin.

“You crazy bitch!” Zacharias finally released Harry’s arm to dodge Ginny’s wickedly sharp heels, “I’m just talking to him!”

“It definitely didn’t look like it!”

By now, the open-space area surrounding Harry’s desk was packed with nosy bystanders from the marketing and accounting teams. Even several HR staff had somehow made their way up from their office two floors below. Harry’s ears were burning red from embarrassment and mortification.

“Harry needs to learn a lesson that I will not tolerate him lying to me,” Zacharias said with full confidence.

“I’m not lying! And anyway, it doesn’t concern you! Are you crazy? I owe nothing to you!”

“Everyone lies! What’s wrong with that?” Pansy argued at the same time Ernie asked, “About what?”

“Harry’s changed his toothbrush,” Luna mused. Everyone ignored her.

“He’s been playing everyone. Stringing us along with his stupid non-existent boyfriend!” Smith retorted.

The office fell silent and Zacharias looked smugly around.

“I have a boyfriend. And it doesn’t concern you,” Harry repeated, a stubborn expression on his face. The others glanced away awkwardly.

Ginny bit her lip and looked at him worriedly. Harry's non-existent boyfriend was an open secret and it was definitely a part of the office gossip. But Harry’s delusions could be talked about another time.

“Exactly. It doesn't concern you. Whether Harry has a boyfriend or not, doesn’t give you the right to expect anything out of him. This is sexual harassment at the workplace and a punishable offense,” she said angrily. Harry turned to her, happy that she stood up for him, but unable to keep his face falling when he saw from her expression that she too did not believe him.

Zacharias snorted, “we have no rule against office romance here. What I say or do to Harry is none of your business!”

“It may not be Miss Weasley’s business, but it is mine,” came a voice from above. Slowly a pair of shoes appeared on the stairs behind Harry’s desk, followed by long legs dressed in expensive slacks as their boss walked down at a leisurely pace.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he tilted his head and surveyed everyone in the room. His employees dipped their heads, their faces turning either red or pale. They admired him, and many had a crush on him, but it was foolish not to fear a cruel and malicious person like Mr Voldemort. 

Mr Voldemort then turned to look at Harry. The young man stared back at him, biting on his soft and supple bottom lip before giving him a quivering smile. Voldemort sighed and opened his arms wide. Harry threw himself forward and into the arms of his boss. He buried his head into the warm and sturdy chest that always made him feel utterly safe and happy.

The office was deathly silent. 

"I had hoped to spare Harry any awkwardness from being in a relationship with me by using my birth name. But I have been too lenient." Harry pressed his face further into his lover's chest, his arms tight around the other man. 

After a beat, Voldemort jerked his head towards the shocked figure of Zacharias, “Rabastan. Get rid of Smith,” he ordered.

“Yes, sir,” Lestrange said, appearing seemingly out of nowhere to drag a screaming Zacharias out of the office. Everyone else continued to stare in shock and their hearts pounded with a great deal more fear now. 

“So… the Boss… Mr Voldemort is Tom Riddle?” Ernie who could never control his mouth blurted out. He gulped when Voldemort glanced at him. 

"Only Harry may refer to me by that name."

“Oh,” Ernie said quietly before looking down. He might have peed his pants.

“Anyone else who tries to harass my Harry will be put out of their misery. Permanently.” Voldemort said languidly. “Do I make myself clear?”

Without waiting for a response, he curled his hand around Harry’s waist and brought him up the stairs to his personal office.

The rest watched as the two disappeared from their sight. A minute later and the unmistakable sounds of Harry’s moans traveled down from their boss’ infamously state-of-the-art and soundproof office.

“Well. Fuck,” Ginny said despair.

“Yes,” Luna agreed dreamily.

***

"So. You're dating your boss," Ron stared at Harry.

"Yes," Harry nodded, his cheeks flushed pink.

"I'm glad he's not as perfect as we thought," Hermione piped up.

"What. For being the mafia head of the Death Eaters? That's putting it lightly," Ron scoffed.

"No. This," Hermione pushed a paper over to them, "see this? It's an anagram. Tom Marvolo Riddle. _I am Lord Voldemort_."

Harry stared at the paper, where the two names were written. "And so?" he asked, puzzled.

"Your boyfriend's pretty lame," Hermione said triumphantly.

**Author's Note:**

> Zacharias Smith here is a real shit but of course there really are people like that. ~~(He may or may not have been modeled after someone I knew irl).~~
> 
> I'm getting back into writing now, slowly but getting there. Am I rusty or what? Hope everyone has been staying safe and healthy from the Covid and also staying sane during lockdown. Please take lots of care!


End file.
